My path to SAH mommyhood.

What made me do it? What made me decide to be a Stay-at-Home mom (SAHM)?

Let me back up and say I use to think I would never want to be a stay-at-home mom when I was in college. While Micah and I were dating and the topic was brought up I protested saying that I wanted to be a working woman.

Well, I worked about 18 months of my daughter's life with a brief 4 month period that I stayed at home with her. The first time I stayed at home during the beginning of my daughters life we financially could not make it work. We decided that to safely allow me to stay at home my husband needed to return to college and finish out his degree. We decided that I would work another 1-2 years or longer depending how it worked out.

As time rolled on I struggled through working every day and spent many days crying at night realizing I was missing so much of my daughters life. I could not find time to complete my tasks at home, and feel calm enough at night to spend quality time with my husband. I tried to stay positive to realize this time period in my life would be fleeting and we needed to do this for our family. I begin to withdraw not only from my personal life but also from my family. I went through times that I would just throw myself into my work trying to ignore the pain of what was missing.  On average (not on my own accord) I worked 45 hours a week in addition to travel time. Some weeks I worked upward of 50-60 hours depending on social engagements and working at home at my computer after my daughter was asleep. I remember mornings just trying to soak her in knowing I would only see her to tuck her in at night. Mornings were a challenge to try to get myself ready while waking up my sleeping daughter to try to dress her and rush her off to school. Some mornings she was happy to go, and some mornings she just wanted her mommy. Ouch, heartbreaking. I remember calling up my husband before sitting down at my desk telling him how I just had to peel her off my legs to give her to her teacher.  I knew she would settle down and enjoy her day but it was hard to accept in the moment. The worst mornings was when I knew she was not feeling 100%  and I would have to take her anyways. It was difficult to say the least knowing what was best was for her to be at her own home resting. When she was sick my husband and I would have to tussle with who could afford to stay home with her. With both of us in management positions this was tricky. It just meant more work for one of us and kissing up later for missing the work.  I would wrestle with everyday seeing moms who "seemed" to have it all together.They had their fancy career, were well dressed, and seemed to still have plenty of quality time with their child.

After my husband finished his degree (hooray) I began just trying to "hang in there" at my work. Each day passed I would sigh and think hopefully I am getting closer. One weekend as I was starring at my work and home to do list and thinking of the struggles of the past week, I just had enough. I was about 4 months into my pregnancy with my second child and exhausted about thinking how I would work when I had 2 babies to care for. I felt somewhat relieved to realize I cannot do both work and home life, at least not like this.

Can some women do it? Can some women "have it all"? Yes, and they do it gracefully. I see moms do it everyday and love what they do. Some women need to work to balance their lives and feel comfortable knowing that their children have wonderful caretakers. Some women do it out of necessity, and some like I was are just trying to get through another day. Thankfully my husband's career allows me to stay at home at least frugally (which we have come to accept). I wanted to see the milestones with my second child that I missed with my first. I just wanted to be the sole caretaker of my children.

Is each day easy of my new career? No, not at all and I am okay with that. Some days are hard, really hard. Some days it is 2:00 in the afternoon and I am in lounge wear still, my hair in a grungy ponytail, my teeth are not brushed, I am longing to talk to someone, my son is colicky and my daughter is being her energetic self. BUT each day I get to read and do crafts with  my daughter, snuggle with my son, clean our home, cook for our family, and prepare things for my husbands next day ALL without the additional feeling of the pressure and stress of  a career. These things are fulling to me. That is why I do it, and will continue to do it as long as the good Lord allows. I have God and my husband to thank for my new career.

Adilynn Claire born 8/12/09

Elijah Jacob born 9/9/11

via C-Section

"Women become "Stay-at-Home" moms because they choose to."-  Melissa Stanton; author of "The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide"